Ripples....

One day suddenly the cool and calm sea of mind is disturbed by a small ripple originating from a small violent thought ....Leaving u astry!! And suddenly the noise in your brain starts to increase to uncontrolable levels freaking u out and u look for a vent,some one to talk to, hold onto.. But...There is no one just no one .......

My minds always a whirlpool of varied emotions and scribbling some of these emotions comes quite naturally to me...Unfortunately everything remains bundled inside due to a lot of factors and the dramatic queen inside me finds relief in writing inside the head only andreading it out aloud to herself ;)

Off late I find myself just going through varied motions of life...Its like my life's stuck at some place and I’m waiting for it to untangle itself and become the way it was. I have become nothing but a passive observer! To onlookers it appears as normal as it can possibly get..But deep down I know that I’m struggling. Struggling to be genuinely happy, struggling to laugh heartily, struggling to indulge in things that make me happy; coz I seem to have forgotten wat makes me happy :( Struggling to live only for myself for a while, struggling to come to peace with my changed surroundings...Its like I want to soar in the sky but I seem to have forgotten flying! I have everything that I could possibly need in my life, but I dnt have myself..Setbacks could never keep me pinned down for long,But this time although I have dealt with them, my inner being is not brimming with joy... Its like thelingering effects prevail....

When lonliness starts to take over you and your thoughts,you see unknown things and you imagine the unimaginary...I dont need an invalidation of my feelings..Wat I need is wat I have rite now..A feeling of being at peace with myself, sitting in my room soaking the last bit of peace exuded by it, every small thing in it reminding me of precious memories, a feeling of belongingness, just being around my family puts everything back in perspective...Now I think :

Why is it that- At times crying heavily for 5 minutes amazingly eases your pain...more than being happy for a very long period??Is shedding a tear more important than wearing a smile?Why then do we keep saying that laughter is the best medicine? When we know for sure...That crying is the last resort...

Perfect Abode! :)

The (boooring)lectures at 9 in the morning to start of with,those never ending assignments,numerous classes bunked,proxies given,craving for attendance,last bench jokes,first bench talks,birthday celebrations(which includes the bday bumps),lunch breaks(ten ppl sharing one dosa),ragging sessions,organizing socials,outings with frenz,last min cramming...This was our "Perfect Abode" (College Days!)

Scenario's with the lingo ;) --

Begining of sem and in some cases throughout the sem

Question: What class do we have next hour?
Assured replies:

• I don't know!
• What difference does it make? Naan anthu malkontini( I'm gonna sleep anyways!)
• Well, I am hungry..
• Eh? Yaake?(Why?)
• Class ge hogtidya??(Attending Class?)
• No idea..Do we have enough attendance?
• Loo..I got IPod (with some videos ;)),We can share the earphone..
• Hehe.. good one ;)

Somewhere in middle comes the internals/unit test:

Question: How did you do?

Common reply: Who gives a damn!! Its only Internals ;)

At the time of semester examz

Question: How did you do?

Majority replies:

• I got screwed!
• I'm surely getting kicked!
• This university sucks, They're screwing us ;)
• And more desi guys will be like "Hodskothu Macha","All clean Gaurentee", "Bido eno aitu..Nindu?"
• As for gals they will be more secretive and usually depends on their friends opinion :"Oh nandu chanagaithu"(Mine went good) (or) "Hoon kane nandu hoithu"(Yup I screwed mine too!) depending on whom they tallking to :D

Completely unacceptable reply: [Don't try this at home or in college ;)]

Awesome sisya/machi!!! FCD for sure this time!!! (You'll probably be dead by the time you finish this sentence,coz you're surrounded by pissed off students who've just come out of the exam hall)

Apart from these :
They talk about (or) go to Movies,have complete 'knowledge' of celebs,Play Games on XBox or PS3 and not on TV video games(thats like being in 20,000 BC according to guys),Have a IPhone/pod/touch, interested in gals/guys,will know the best place to eat,drink..Nothing is unhealthy as long as its edible..A bottle of mineral water costs more than bottle of Coke/pepsi nevermind the quantity..Caffeine is the way of life..Lastly we got no clue about life beyond college compound! ;)

The smile is round the corner,how would it not be? ;) Coz what you have read has made you remember "The Best Days Of Your Life! "

Solitude...

Months back when I was sitting in "Cafe Coffee Day" all by myself I read the caption written below the red and white logo of CCD on the menu card - "A lot can happen over coffee"! I saw crowds of people entering this place filled with the intoxicating aroma of coffee beans - couples both old and young, mostly people of my age, teenagers and college students. But I was all alone sipping my triple sec mocha, enjoying its fruity yet strong flavour. I have been to this place quite often and love it but there are a few instances when I have felt so isolated in the crowd of so many people...
That day I chose to sit on a single seater instead of my personal favourite...The couch with red and purple cushions! :) I had finished my coffee. I ask the waiter for the menu card again. This time I wanted to order something different. I coughed a couple of times. A few people looked at me with a mixed sort of expression!! Are they irritated? Oh! They are least bothered about my coughing!Its just that an alien sound distracted them from the "Ek Din" song being played on the jukebox. Am i thinking too much?! I am behaving like Prufrock!- me and my fragmented self.
As I flipped through the pages of the menu card, a cute looking waitress adds another chair to my table as if trying to fill up my emptiness... I smiled at her and she smiled back. This momentary eye-contact made me feel happy for a while. Life is so full of titbits! Bits of emotions can lighten or darken one's day. Suddenly I am jolted back to reality when the waiter comes to my seat and places another mug of triple sec mocha on my table. I look puzzled and say "This is not what i want." He says but you said "once again please." Oh! I said I want the menu card once again please.He must not have heard what I said. Not his fault really. I speak too softly at times.. He looks at me dejected and I ask him - "Will cancelling the order cause you trouble?" the answer was but obvious. I tell him that I would have the coffee. He thanks me and smiles.. :)
Again I feel happier.. Its good that I had the hot coffee - As it is I was shivering because the air con was on full.. I was feeling nostalgic - din't know why? I flipped my mobile and saw the time... It was 16:54. My frenz would be there in half an hour's time and then I would go back home. Home is it? Memories Ah! So many things going on in my mind! I was brimming with thoughts! A lot can really happen over coffee! Even when you are all alone! I saw the empty chair in front of my seat.. I feel single life could be so boring at times yet one gets so much time for oneself! ;) Self-denial is one thing that is impossible when you are single! I looked at my mug of coffee. It was half empty and half full. I felt the same..I am so full of feelings yet so bereft of companionship.
I wished I had people around me. Well I did have so many people around me - but all of them were unknown, strangers - people I had never met before, people I din't know! But the beauty of life is that I could see them, observe them, hear them speak, understand their emotions. A couple was snuggled on the couch right in front of me. They were young, happy and seemed satisfied with life. The girl was having an electric blue drink.She was constantly talking to her boyfriend who was in a typical "Delhi University" attire, white lucknowi kurta and blue jeans. :)They were a cute couple and complimented each other..
Coming back to myself my coffee was over. I was full of it.. I stroked my hair with my fingers.. I wished someone could do that for me! ;)Well I am a dreamer and have full faith in the fact that dreams do come true. I asked for the bill, called my friends and asked them when they would reach Airport Rd? I paid the bill, smiled at myself and left the coffee shop with dreams and emotions brewing in my mind just like a hot cup of Grande Mug! :)

Living the MasterCard Moment

Remember the MasterCard Ad which went something like this --
"A pair of shoes Rs 2000,Entry fee to the amusement park Rs 1000,The glow on your parents face - "Priceless"..For everything else therez MasterCard.." Now I think how much sense this makes..I gotta see that glow on my parents face when they were here for a ten day vacation and it truly was priceless! Each and every single moment spent with them was special with love etched in every fold of it..I am soo blessed to be gifted with such amazingly warm parents in my life! (Each of you would feel the same about your parents! :))

I hate being a grown up! :( How I wish I could remain the pampered child throughout my life! ;)
Its too far to even consider it a fantasy I guess :( as the fact remains the same --
Working, living by yourself, paying your bills, cooking almost twice a day....All such grown up things..I hate to admit it but i think i'm a grown up now. Strange isn't it ?? Realizing that you're a grown up, responsible for your own actions, responsible for giving direction to your own life.. It's a very solemn realization!!I've always thought that being grown up is a little boring..Being all proper and fake.If you're even a little interesting, then you're considered to be eccentric.I'd rather be eccentric than proper!