The Better Half… and Other Half-Truths ;)

 They say marriage is about finding your better half. I have often wondered who came up with this expression. Because technically, if there is a better half, there must also be a less-better half. And after years of marriage, I have a fairly good idea which half has been assigned to which category. :P

BH, of course, believes that the term “better half” was invented specifically for him. Not because he is particularly better. But because he has successfully convinced himself that he is. And confidence, as we all know, is half the battle. The other half is usually fought by the wife. :D

The Art of Listening

Marriage starts beautifully.You meet someone.You talk for hours.You listen to each other. You think, “Wow! We understand each other so well.” Years later...

Me: Did you hear what I said?

BH: Yes.

Me: What did I say?

BH: I don't know.

Me: Then how did you hear me?

BH: Very efficiently.

I stared at him. Apparently, BH has invented a new form of listening - Advanced Marital Listening. Hear everything. Process nothing. Respond with “Hmm”. That little “Hmm” is a very versatile word. It can mean: I agree. I disagree. I have no idea what you are talking about. Please continue. And, most importantly... I have heard enough.

Status: Conversation successfully terminated by a single syllable.

The Great Household Decision

Before marriage, I believed important decisions required discussion. After marriage, I discovered there are different levels of decision-making. Some decisions require discussion. Some require negotiation. Some require patience. And some require a completely unnecessary 45-minute explanation of why the thing I suggested three minutes ago was actually his idea.

BH: I think we should do it this way.

Me: That's exactly what I said.

BH: No, no. I mean it properly.

Me: What is “properly”?

BH: Let me explain.

And there begins the TED Talk.

Forty-five minutes later, after diagrams, examples, historical references and probably a small committee meeting...

BH: So basically, we should do what I said.

Me: Yes.

BH: Good.

Me: Which is exactly what I said.

BH: No, you didn't.

At this point, I decided to protect the sanctity of marriage.

I said nothing.

Status: Idea accepted. Ownership successfully transferred.

The Directions Department

Driving together is another beautiful aspect of marriage.

Me: Are we supposed to turn here?

BH: No, no. Keep going.

Five minutes later...

BH: Actually, I think we should have turned there.

Me: There?

BH: Yes.

Me: The “there” that is now five kilometers behind us?

BH: Yeah.

Me: Then why did you say “keep going”?

BH: I thought there would be another route.

Of course. There is always another route. And if there isn't one, there is definitely a scenic route. Getting lost is apparently not a navigational error. It is an opportunity to explore.

Status: Destination unchanged. Confidence undiminished.

The Official Version… According to Me :P

After years of observing BH, arguing with BH, laughing with BH and occasionally wondering why I married BH... :P I think I have finally understood something.

Marriage isn't really about finding your better half. It is about finding the person whose weirdness is somehow compatible with yours. Someone who can annoy you in exactly the right way. Someone whose habits drive you crazy, but whose absence makes the house feel strangely quiet. Someone with whom you can have an argument about absolutely nothing... and five minutes later laugh about something completely unrelated. Someone who knows all your irritating habits and has still decided to stick around. Maybe that is what makes two imperfect halves a reasonably functional whole.

And perhaps “better half” doesn't mean one person is better than the other. It simply means that somewhere along the way, two people have become so used to being together that life without the other would feel a little incomplete.

Of course, if BH happens to read this article, I would like to clarify one thing. He is definitely the better half. I am merely the half who notices everything, remembers everything, writes everything down... and therefore gets the last word. For now.

PS: He has already told me that this article is exaggerated.

I told him I don't remember him saying that.

He said, “I definitely did.”

I said, “Hmm.” Marriage :P

Written without AI. Powered entirely by marriage, observation and questionable amounts of sarcasm. ;)

Forms Of Love

Mother's love is irreplaceable, forever and unconditional. I agree. 

Which kind of love can be replaced? The love gotten from every loving person is unique. For example - Fathers love. Doesn't it comply to all the three words above? Of course, there are exceptions in both cases.

All forms of love whatever form they may assume, require, or at any rate, expect, some equivalent or less for it in return in the shape of affection, happiness, or pleasure. Is mother an exception? In some cases yes, and in some cases no. Chastise me as a bad mother if you want, I really don't know how I would have reacted if my child had not showed its love, affection back. I expected that. Do I become selfish? Yes.

The way a mother loves a child and the way a father loves a child is completely different. The logic beats me when they are compared. It is something like saying air is superior to light in nature. Both are different, but essential forces of nature. Can any of one of them be replaced?

When someone says "Mother's love is great". I agree. Greatest? I don't. For the simple reason that it cannot be compared. Neither does any other form of love merit comparisons.

To compare, one must analyze. Do we really know the depth of the person's love? We just analyze the way we perceive. Some people express themselves very well and others don't. Does this innate quality of being an introvert make one a bad lover?

Mother has an advantage of sharing a natural bond during gestation. Then delivering in the most painful way known to the world. None of us can ever think of the intensity, the depth or the expanse of the love the soul has.

Some fathers cannot even relate themselves to the child as soon as it is born. It is not natural for them like mothers, it grows on them. They become a different person altogether. And then the saga begins. For others, it begins as soon as he knows he will be a father. But, the important point here is "The Saga Begins". A father loves his child, puts the child first amongst priorities sans the natural/physical bond. Remains an unsung hero.

When I was married and had to leave home, I realized I would miss my father as much as my mother. After my LO (Little One), I witnessed the birth of a father, I remained amazed by the transformation a man has to undergo to father a child. I loved my father even more. 

To hail the greatness of one thing, we should not degrade the other. More importantly, lets not compare apples and oranges.

The "Pro"crastinator

Sunday Evening
I returned from my parents’ place where I had chosen to put my feet up and chill out. As I stepped into the room, I was shocked to see a dull-colored hill of clothes lying all over the bed.
The mercury level in my brain shot up! My head turned into a pressure cooker, I turned around to see BH welcoming some guests at the door. ('aaj BH bach gaya' I thought). Closed the door of the room, I did not want them to see what I saw.

Status: Like the cat hides its litter, I veiled the view of the hill.

Sunday Night
I did not want to clear the clothes this time. I wanted BH to clear the mess on the bed. I made some space on the bed, pushed the clothes to a ‘HIS’ side of bed and closed my eyes. He came, he cuddled, and he slept. We BOTH slept in ‘MY’ side of bed. (come on, It was not the moment to push him off. **Awww.. Those cuddles**)

Status: Now the hill had grown taller because the base area occupied was smaller.

Monday Morning
I decided I will voice it out.

Me: How long will these clothes lie unattended?
BH: Don’t start off on a Monday morning. (Typical ‘morning morning’ philosophy)
I zipped my mouth.

Status: His clothes, wet towel (yuck!!) added to the mighty mountain. (Hill = Mountain)

Thursday Evening
I thought, let me not nag, and let me lend a helping hand. He sat watching some sport on TV.

Me: Even I will help you; let us clear off the mess in the room now. Switch on your **Dhan Dhan** playlist on the computer. (Hard rock music is not of my taste, I feel someone is bombarding rocks on my head. By suggesting what he likes, I thought I am considerate enough)
BH: You don’t like to see me sit and relax. Do you? (A stare) I will clear that someday in this week.
Me: ‘Someday’ is not a day in any week!!

Then silence crept in.

Status: The Mountain had grown bigger in girth and had risen few meters above sea level.

Saturday Evening
I don’t like nagging. But, when things don’t seem happening..

Me: Please, let us clear off the clothes today.
BH: I am tired. Had hectic work at office this week, this weekend has come as a blessing.
Me: I have read somewhere “Nothing is as fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task”
BH: Then, that is enlightenment. I don’t want to get more tired.

Status: The Mountain was almost touching the ceiling fan!!

I sorted the clothes and cleanly organized in his cupboard, put for a wash or sent it for pressing. It took me an hour. He came into the room after some time. He hugged. I expected a verbal admiration from him.(which I did not get)

I suddenly remembered, ‘We had to renew our car insurance. I think it is expired!’ He said ‘Don’t worry. The mountain isn’t over your head always’ *wink*

Post mortem of the incident made me understand him and others better.

• Someone is hardwired to be by nature, works only when the sufficient pressure is built.
• Putting off an unimportant task isn't essentially procrastination: it may just be good prioritization!
• Someone may find a particular task unlikable. Hence, they avoid. Even if I tend to share the same feeling, may be we should work it out. Both of us should give-in alternatively.

PS : Don’t tell me that you would do it ‘someday’:P

See Uffff Hell ;)

The tasks of making a home from a house...

There was a socket near the dining area whose CFL had burnt out. We had a spare CFL. I asked BH to fix that for me. 
He said : "I'll take care of it during the weekend.You don't worry"

Saturday: After many subtle reminders, brazen hints and hard-to-miss cues the job was not done by the man of the house :P
Sunday: I fixed the CFL

He is such a calm and composed person, evoking reaction from him would be a real-time achievement for me. I thought, "Let me make this BIG" ;)

Scene : How I changed the CFL? 
He remained glued to the laptop. The ladder stood proudly in proximity to the changing point, still I dragged the metallic ladder by its leg till the room he was in..(screeching noises ;) ) and then back to the point :P

Now to begin boasting :D
Every other sentence I used that day, I made sure I conveyed the message (with shots of sarcasm of-course! :P) that I did "his" work ;)

Scene : During Lunch
BH: (munching away) I'd do anything for a wife who cooks such luscious rasam and curry with hot-soft rice, its heavenly :)
Me: Good. Your wife couldn't have found the appropriate ingredients for the masala if the CFL that "I" (stressed) changed hadn't helped ;)

Scene : Tea-Time
BH: I think we should call a plumber soon. The water-pressure in the tap is very low. 
Me: Aaah.. Now I know.. That stupid CFL was not lighting up because electricity for that point was not generated due to the low-water pressure?! :D


At the end of all these conversations, I looked like a cat that swallowed a canary and he looked like a bird from "angry birds" ;) :D A silent angry bird I should say :D But, I was hungry for more. I had not got any verbal reaction from his side.

Finally.... 

Scene : Reading the paper
Talking about some teenagers love story which appeared in the news paper,
BH:  .....and she fell for him..
Me: Whaaat? S(h)ee Ffff (e)Lll (Read as CFL :P) for him also? (LOL :D)
BH: That's Enough!!!!!!

He rolled the news paper to hit me. I ran giggling away as he chased me till I almost closed the door behind me. He caught me, threw the newspaper down and tickled the hell out of me. Gosh!! I was laughing like a jackass! :)