Sound Advice ;)

If you are married, you probably don`t sleep. And if you do manage to, you'd probably wake up every now and then because of the snore that'll keep you awake

It is simple logic. Men snore and agree. Women snore, but don`t agree and make a big fuss about their husband`s orchestra :P

In the initial days of our marriage BH would not disturb me, and I would have a real sound sleep. I guess most satisfied men tend to snore and this high-decibel activity did not go well with me. Whenever it reached a crescendo, I would pinch and wake him up, and the decibel levels would come down. The whole cycle would repeat itself soon enough :)

He snores and there is a long list of people who are testimony to it ;) Once, our deaf and half-dead neighbor also complained. On second thoughts, I had also warned him about it.

Me: “Guess what, I did not sleep the whole of last night”

“I knew it! You were watching a movie without me!” BH exclaimed 

“No...You kept snoring the whole night and I felt I was at The Phantom of the Opera :P”

“Whoa…cool! That`s a nice show.” He tries to dodge my barbs

“I know, but can you not bring down the volume? I ask..or rather plead

“Sure I will,” BH says even though he wanted to say: “Sure….., But I am not able to reach for the snore-volume knob…Could you please help me out ;)”

Sleeplessness can drive people crazy. Before the first month of our marriage had come to an end, we visited a local homeopath to buy a snore-remover medicine. He swears that the medicine WAS actually sand, used in construction works. The homeopath had charged Rs 200 and given 20 grams of sand is what BH argues. The instructions were simple, it was supposed to be mixed in neem juice and gulped down. BH cried hoarse, But it did not stop me from pouring it down his food pipe :)

Last month, BH had his fifth snore-stopping medicine – Alas, this one failed to take effect too :( He continues to snore at will.

Now, I suppose that`s something all husbands have the privilege of! ;)

The "Cold War" ;)

The molten lava is burning inside. The 2 openings of the caves in the volcanic mountain are blocked by the rocks formed by the solidified lava. And the smallest mistake, could cause a hot volcanic eruption at home. That is how serious the situation is, when BH catches "common" cold and his nose (above mentioned as caves) is blocked!   

I had no clue whatsoever, what would turn-up the next morning. I was busy getting ready for the day and it was half past 9! I rushed to bedroom to wake BH up.. And what I saw was a gory sight which I had never witnessed before! 
He was looking crest-fallen, still on the couch. BH's face had turned to a red tomato!  

Me: What happened? It is already 9.30! Won't you go to office?
BH: Yeah right! You want me to go to office even when I am dying? 

I was completely taken aback by that reply. "Should I call an ambulance?" I contemplated. Maybe I did not comprehend his condition properly. I just thought, he has caught cold. I immediately ran to him, sat next to him, apologized for being insensitive, pampered him and asked..

Me: What happened? What is bothering you..

BH: Bloody common cold! 

I took a deep breath, and tried to gather calmness from all positive energy sources. I said I would bring him hot filter coffee, which would provide him some initial relief. He never behaved so touchy, vulnerable, emotional for 3 years now. But, he had not caught cold either. He had turned into a whining, clamorous stranger.  

Few hours later, there was a man sniffing, shuffling things around, growling, using swear words with every sneeze almost sounding like "Faaack....choo" :P The tissues he used were piling up to make a "bean-bag" like structure. While inhalers, wrappers of medicines were also decorating the "yuck-y" structure.

For 3 days, I bore witness to this "unofficial emergency period" at home. Common cold had caused a disaster of epic proportions which made a stalwart, chivalrous, invincible macho-man into a giant-cry-baby. And the worst experience during the emergency period was that I was not supposed to laugh at the comical drama that was unfolding. Remember volcanic eruption? I would not have been surprised if he had made a "will" in that condition or if he believed that this was the way the world would end.   

Medicines, some home-made soups, steam, sleep and not to forget, some cricket did help him get back all the powers of a warrior. We were done and dusted with traversing the stony journey of his common cold . As I was getting things ready for the day, the next morning, he was gobbling up crunchy "dosays". ;)

PS: Now....I know about Man-flu! ;)

 
   

Stubble Trouble :)

​New year approaching so why not change to a new look?, is what I suggested to BH to get him to shave his beard/stubble...I had a challenging task ahead. I did not want to nag about it so, I started dropping subtle hints -

>>Showed him some snaps in which he was clean shaven and said he looked handsome ;)
He replied “I know. A lot of people have told me so.”. He didn't even get the hint on why I was showing him those snaps. -- FAIL

>> Mailed him an article which said shaving helps in removing dead-skin and also keeps the skin wrinkle free. The facial hair can keep oil and dirt on the skin and hence shaving is hygienic too. He replied “Don’t waste your time reading such over analytical crap. I don’t give a damn to all these things anyway.” --  FAIL

>>Next morning, I put toothpaste on his brush, shaving cream on his shaving brush, kept a mug of hot water and the after-shave lotion on the sink cabinet. Then I waited for him while I prepared breakfast. He returned as scruffy as a gorilla. I ran into the bathroom to see that ONLY the toothbrush was used and all the other stuff I had carefully arranged remained untouched. --  FAIL

So, after these series of failures I tried to come up with a few convincing suggestions. I said that the beard is a furry mask which hides the handsome cuts his face has.  He defended by saying that a beard gives him a mature look and that it gives others an image of a thinker. Another time he said “Having a beard and moustache is so manly!” There! That's the reason behind my failures. Do not mistake him to be a misogynist. But, he is proud of what he is or has :)

Now, I had to tackle this problem in a different way knowing the weak point. One evening he was watching a documentary on TV. I approached him from behind and planted a kiss on his cheek and whispered “I do not want anything to come between us, not even your stubble” ;) He then asked for a cup of coffee and when I was back...Voila! I see a man who had sent his stubble to the rubble, by shaving double that day! :D And thus love worked for me :)

I do feel sorry for him that he has to keep shaving and think - Why can’t men go bald on their chin? :P LOL!

Let the "Stress" begin.... :)

Men and women handle stress differently.If you are married you can go ahead and close this window :P But if you aren`t married then carry on reading as these could end up being the words that will leave you a bachelor/spinster for life ;)

Unlike men, women have various kinds of stress which can be classified as :

-- Stress due to withholding a secret
-- Stress due to relationships
-- Stress due to work

Stress due to with-holding a secret
An author once said “Women pick up more dirt from the telephone than from their vacuum cleaner.” This explains why Telecom companies get 95% of their call revenues from lady clients. Holding a secret can be a tough task for a lady, especially if the secret is about another lady.

Me to BH : “If you promise me you will never tell this to anybody, I will tell you something.”

Initially he used to promise and share the secret immediately. Now a days he makes me a little impatient and says : “If I can`t share it with anybody, what is the point? Chuck it, I don`t want to know the secret...”
I would walk around for a while looking impatient and finally give up.. " Fine...Go ahead and share it, but can I start now? " :D

  In-spiteof all this women folks never let out a secret - atleast not the way it is told to them ;) Men on the other hand will always forget the spicy part of the secret and make it bland, and unworthy of gossip. ;)

Stress due to relationships
Among the various issues that women have, this reason for stress is the biggest. They are always worried about their ‘relationships` with other women, men, children, elderly, in-laws...You name it and they are worried about it. Perhaps, it has to do with the “What are you doing…..what will others think?” question that every parent/grandparent has asked the girl as she was growing up.

To add to it the stress caused by the husbands when they leave the 'wet' towel on the bed, forget to shop for the items mentioned and never let go of the tv remote ;) Phew....!

Stress due to work
This is the kind of stress that you can expect & plan for and yet fall for it... Women all over the world get affected by this stress. So much so, there are NGOs out there helping deal with during these tough times. It could range from : Too much work at office to the boss being bossy

Men need support women during this period of stress and hear them out. Since you know that they are complaining, all you have to do is repeat this sentence: “I know, This work thing is too much and your boss is an ***** " :)

For men, stress is only due to two things :

-- Most important stress is when India (or any other country the man belongs to) loses the cricket/football match or when Federer loses :P
-- The next most important is work related stress

Since there is no solution to India or Federer losing their matches, he just picks up the remote and stares at the TV till the world starts seeming fine.
On the work front, his stress is pretty simple...What is on the menu in the canteen today? ;) :P


PS : When BH read this post, he said I forgot to mention "THE" most important stress for Men - WIFE ;)