The Better Half… and Other Half-Truths ;)

 They say marriage is about finding your better half. I have often wondered who came up with this expression. Because technically, if there is a better half, there must also be a less-better half. And after years of marriage, I have a fairly good idea which half has been assigned to which category. :P

BH, of course, believes that the term “better half” was invented specifically for him. Not because he is particularly better. But because he has successfully convinced himself that he is. And confidence, as we all know, is half the battle. The other half is usually fought by the wife. :D

The Art of Listening

Marriage starts beautifully.You meet someone.You talk for hours.You listen to each other. You think, “Wow! We understand each other so well.” Years later...

Me: Did you hear what I said?

BH: Yes.

Me: What did I say?

BH: I don't know.

Me: Then how did you hear me?

BH: Very efficiently.

I stared at him. Apparently, BH has invented a new form of listening - Advanced Marital Listening. Hear everything. Process nothing. Respond with “Hmm”. That little “Hmm” is a very versatile word. It can mean: I agree. I disagree. I have no idea what you are talking about. Please continue. And, most importantly... I have heard enough.

Status: Conversation successfully terminated by a single syllable.

The Great Household Decision

Before marriage, I believed important decisions required discussion. After marriage, I discovered there are different levels of decision-making. Some decisions require discussion. Some require negotiation. Some require patience. And some require a completely unnecessary 45-minute explanation of why the thing I suggested three minutes ago was actually his idea.

BH: I think we should do it this way.

Me: That's exactly what I said.

BH: No, no. I mean it properly.

Me: What is “properly”?

BH: Let me explain.

And there begins the TED Talk.

Forty-five minutes later, after diagrams, examples, historical references and probably a small committee meeting...

BH: So basically, we should do what I said.

Me: Yes.

BH: Good.

Me: Which is exactly what I said.

BH: No, you didn't.

At this point, I decided to protect the sanctity of marriage.

I said nothing.

Status: Idea accepted. Ownership successfully transferred.

The Directions Department

Driving together is another beautiful aspect of marriage.

Me: Are we supposed to turn here?

BH: No, no. Keep going.

Five minutes later...

BH: Actually, I think we should have turned there.

Me: There?

BH: Yes.

Me: The “there” that is now five kilometers behind us?

BH: Yeah.

Me: Then why did you say “keep going”?

BH: I thought there would be another route.

Of course. There is always another route. And if there isn't one, there is definitely a scenic route. Getting lost is apparently not a navigational error. It is an opportunity to explore.

Status: Destination unchanged. Confidence undiminished.

The Official Version… According to Me :P

After years of observing BH, arguing with BH, laughing with BH and occasionally wondering why I married BH... :P I think I have finally understood something.

Marriage isn't really about finding your better half. It is about finding the person whose weirdness is somehow compatible with yours. Someone who can annoy you in exactly the right way. Someone whose habits drive you crazy, but whose absence makes the house feel strangely quiet. Someone with whom you can have an argument about absolutely nothing... and five minutes later laugh about something completely unrelated. Someone who knows all your irritating habits and has still decided to stick around. Maybe that is what makes two imperfect halves a reasonably functional whole.

And perhaps “better half” doesn't mean one person is better than the other. It simply means that somewhere along the way, two people have become so used to being together that life without the other would feel a little incomplete.

Of course, if BH happens to read this article, I would like to clarify one thing. He is definitely the better half. I am merely the half who notices everything, remembers everything, writes everything down... and therefore gets the last word. For now.

PS: He has already told me that this article is exaggerated.

I told him I don't remember him saying that.

He said, “I definitely did.”

I said, “Hmm.” Marriage :P

Written without AI. Powered entirely by marriage, observation and questionable amounts of sarcasm. ;)

Forms Of Love

Mother's love is irreplaceable, forever and unconditional. I agree. 

Which kind of love can be replaced? The love gotten from every loving person is unique. For example - Fathers love. Doesn't it comply to all the three words above? Of course, there are exceptions in both cases.

All forms of love whatever form they may assume, require, or at any rate, expect, some equivalent or less for it in return in the shape of affection, happiness, or pleasure. Is mother an exception? In some cases yes, and in some cases no. Chastise me as a bad mother if you want, I really don't know how I would have reacted if my child had not showed its love, affection back. I expected that. Do I become selfish? Yes.

The way a mother loves a child and the way a father loves a child is completely different. The logic beats me when they are compared. It is something like saying air is superior to light in nature. Both are different, but essential forces of nature. Can any of one of them be replaced?

When someone says "Mother's love is great". I agree. Greatest? I don't. For the simple reason that it cannot be compared. Neither does any other form of love merit comparisons.

To compare, one must analyze. Do we really know the depth of the person's love? We just analyze the way we perceive. Some people express themselves very well and others don't. Does this innate quality of being an introvert make one a bad lover?

Mother has an advantage of sharing a natural bond during gestation. Then delivering in the most painful way known to the world. None of us can ever think of the intensity, the depth or the expanse of the love the soul has.

Some fathers cannot even relate themselves to the child as soon as it is born. It is not natural for them like mothers, it grows on them. They become a different person altogether. And then the saga begins. For others, it begins as soon as he knows he will be a father. But, the important point here is "The Saga Begins". A father loves his child, puts the child first amongst priorities sans the natural/physical bond. Remains an unsung hero.

When I was married and had to leave home, I realized I would miss my father as much as my mother. After my LO (Little One), I witnessed the birth of a father, I remained amazed by the transformation a man has to undergo to father a child. I loved my father even more. 

To hail the greatness of one thing, we should not degrade the other. More importantly, lets not compare apples and oranges.

The "Pro"crastinator

Sunday Evening
I returned from my parents’ place where I had chosen to put my feet up and chill out. As I stepped into the room, I was shocked to see a dull-colored hill of clothes lying all over the bed.
The mercury level in my brain shot up! My head turned into a pressure cooker, I turned around to see BH welcoming some guests at the door. ('aaj BH bach gaya' I thought). Closed the door of the room, I did not want them to see what I saw.

Status: Like the cat hides its litter, I veiled the view of the hill.

Sunday Night
I did not want to clear the clothes this time. I wanted BH to clear the mess on the bed. I made some space on the bed, pushed the clothes to a ‘HIS’ side of bed and closed my eyes. He came, he cuddled, and he slept. We BOTH slept in ‘MY’ side of bed. (come on, It was not the moment to push him off. **Awww.. Those cuddles**)

Status: Now the hill had grown taller because the base area occupied was smaller.

Monday Morning
I decided I will voice it out.

Me: How long will these clothes lie unattended?
BH: Don’t start off on a Monday morning. (Typical ‘morning morning’ philosophy)
I zipped my mouth.

Status: His clothes, wet towel (yuck!!) added to the mighty mountain. (Hill = Mountain)

Thursday Evening
I thought, let me not nag, and let me lend a helping hand. He sat watching some sport on TV.

Me: Even I will help you; let us clear off the mess in the room now. Switch on your **Dhan Dhan** playlist on the computer. (Hard rock music is not of my taste, I feel someone is bombarding rocks on my head. By suggesting what he likes, I thought I am considerate enough)
BH: You don’t like to see me sit and relax. Do you? (A stare) I will clear that someday in this week.
Me: ‘Someday’ is not a day in any week!!

Then silence crept in.

Status: The Mountain had grown bigger in girth and had risen few meters above sea level.

Saturday Evening
I don’t like nagging. But, when things don’t seem happening..

Me: Please, let us clear off the clothes today.
BH: I am tired. Had hectic work at office this week, this weekend has come as a blessing.
Me: I have read somewhere “Nothing is as fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task”
BH: Then, that is enlightenment. I don’t want to get more tired.

Status: The Mountain was almost touching the ceiling fan!!

I sorted the clothes and cleanly organized in his cupboard, put for a wash or sent it for pressing. It took me an hour. He came into the room after some time. He hugged. I expected a verbal admiration from him.(which I did not get)

I suddenly remembered, ‘We had to renew our car insurance. I think it is expired!’ He said ‘Don’t worry. The mountain isn’t over your head always’ *wink*

Post mortem of the incident made me understand him and others better.

• Someone is hardwired to be by nature, works only when the sufficient pressure is built.
• Putting off an unimportant task isn't essentially procrastination: it may just be good prioritization!
• Someone may find a particular task unlikable. Hence, they avoid. Even if I tend to share the same feeling, may be we should work it out. Both of us should give-in alternatively.

PS : Don’t tell me that you would do it ‘someday’:P

See Uffff Hell ;)

The tasks of making a home from a house...

There was a socket near the dining area whose CFL had burnt out. We had a spare CFL. I asked BH to fix that for me. 
He said : "I'll take care of it during the weekend.You don't worry"

Saturday: After many subtle reminders, brazen hints and hard-to-miss cues the job was not done by the man of the house :P
Sunday: I fixed the CFL

He is such a calm and composed person, evoking reaction from him would be a real-time achievement for me. I thought, "Let me make this BIG" ;)

Scene : How I changed the CFL? 
He remained glued to the laptop. The ladder stood proudly in proximity to the changing point, still I dragged the metallic ladder by its leg till the room he was in..(screeching noises ;) ) and then back to the point :P

Now to begin boasting :D
Every other sentence I used that day, I made sure I conveyed the message (with shots of sarcasm of-course! :P) that I did "his" work ;)

Scene : During Lunch
BH: (munching away) I'd do anything for a wife who cooks such luscious rasam and curry with hot-soft rice, its heavenly :)
Me: Good. Your wife couldn't have found the appropriate ingredients for the masala if the CFL that "I" (stressed) changed hadn't helped ;)

Scene : Tea-Time
BH: I think we should call a plumber soon. The water-pressure in the tap is very low. 
Me: Aaah.. Now I know.. That stupid CFL was not lighting up because electricity for that point was not generated due to the low-water pressure?! :D


At the end of all these conversations, I looked like a cat that swallowed a canary and he looked like a bird from "angry birds" ;) :D A silent angry bird I should say :D But, I was hungry for more. I had not got any verbal reaction from his side.

Finally.... 

Scene : Reading the paper
Talking about some teenagers love story which appeared in the news paper,
BH:  .....and she fell for him..
Me: Whaaat? S(h)ee Ffff (e)Lll (Read as CFL :P) for him also? (LOL :D)
BH: That's Enough!!!!!!

He rolled the news paper to hit me. I ran giggling away as he chased me till I almost closed the door behind me. He caught me, threw the newspaper down and tickled the hell out of me. Gosh!! I was laughing like a jackass! :)

Sound Advice ;)

If you are married, you probably don`t sleep. And if you do manage to, you'd probably wake up every now and then because of the snore that'll keep you awake

It is simple logic. Men snore and agree. Women snore, but don`t agree and make a big fuss about their husband`s orchestra :P

In the initial days of our marriage BH would not disturb me, and I would have a real sound sleep. I guess most satisfied men tend to snore and this high-decibel activity did not go well with me. Whenever it reached a crescendo, I would pinch and wake him up, and the decibel levels would come down. The whole cycle would repeat itself soon enough :)

He snores and there is a long list of people who are testimony to it ;) Once, our deaf and half-dead neighbor also complained. On second thoughts, I had also warned him about it.

Me: “Guess what, I did not sleep the whole of last night”

“I knew it! You were watching a movie without me!” BH exclaimed 

“No...You kept snoring the whole night and I felt I was at The Phantom of the Opera :P”

“Whoa…cool! That`s a nice show.” He tries to dodge my barbs

“I know, but can you not bring down the volume? I ask..or rather plead

“Sure I will,” BH says even though he wanted to say: “Sure….., But I am not able to reach for the snore-volume knob…Could you please help me out ;)”

Sleeplessness can drive people crazy. Before the first month of our marriage had come to an end, we visited a local homeopath to buy a snore-remover medicine. He swears that the medicine WAS actually sand, used in construction works. The homeopath had charged Rs 200 and given 20 grams of sand is what BH argues. The instructions were simple, it was supposed to be mixed in neem juice and gulped down. BH cried hoarse, But it did not stop me from pouring it down his food pipe :)

Last month, BH had his fifth snore-stopping medicine – Alas, this one failed to take effect too :( He continues to snore at will.

Now, I suppose that`s something all husbands have the privilege of! ;)

The "Cold War" ;)

The molten lava is burning inside. The 2 openings of the caves in the volcanic mountain are blocked by the rocks formed by the solidified lava. And the smallest mistake, could cause a hot volcanic eruption at home. That is how serious the situation is, when BH catches "common" cold and his nose (above mentioned as caves) is blocked!   

I had no clue whatsoever, what would turn-up the next morning. I was busy getting ready for the day and it was half past 9! I rushed to bedroom to wake BH up.. And what I saw was a gory sight which I had never witnessed before! 
He was looking crest-fallen, still on the couch. BH's face had turned to a red tomato!  

Me: What happened? It is already 9.30! Won't you go to office?
BH: Yeah right! You want me to go to office even when I am dying? 

I was completely taken aback by that reply. "Should I call an ambulance?" I contemplated. Maybe I did not comprehend his condition properly. I just thought, he has caught cold. I immediately ran to him, sat next to him, apologized for being insensitive, pampered him and asked..

Me: What happened? What is bothering you..

BH: Bloody common cold! 

I took a deep breath, and tried to gather calmness from all positive energy sources. I said I would bring him hot filter coffee, which would provide him some initial relief. He never behaved so touchy, vulnerable, emotional for 3 years now. But, he had not caught cold either. He had turned into a whining, clamorous stranger.  

Few hours later, there was a man sniffing, shuffling things around, growling, using swear words with every sneeze almost sounding like "Faaack....choo" :P The tissues he used were piling up to make a "bean-bag" like structure. While inhalers, wrappers of medicines were also decorating the "yuck-y" structure.

For 3 days, I bore witness to this "unofficial emergency period" at home. Common cold had caused a disaster of epic proportions which made a stalwart, chivalrous, invincible macho-man into a giant-cry-baby. And the worst experience during the emergency period was that I was not supposed to laugh at the comical drama that was unfolding. Remember volcanic eruption? I would not have been surprised if he had made a "will" in that condition or if he believed that this was the way the world would end.   

Medicines, some home-made soups, steam, sleep and not to forget, some cricket did help him get back all the powers of a warrior. We were done and dusted with traversing the stony journey of his common cold . As I was getting things ready for the day, the next morning, he was gobbling up crunchy "dosays". ;)

PS: Now....I know about Man-flu! ;)

 
   

Stubble Trouble :)

​New year approaching so why not change to a new look?, is what I suggested to BH to get him to shave his beard/stubble...I had a challenging task ahead. I did not want to nag about it so, I started dropping subtle hints -

>>Showed him some snaps in which he was clean shaven and said he looked handsome ;)
He replied “I know. A lot of people have told me so.”. He didn't even get the hint on why I was showing him those snaps. -- FAIL

>> Mailed him an article which said shaving helps in removing dead-skin and also keeps the skin wrinkle free. The facial hair can keep oil and dirt on the skin and hence shaving is hygienic too. He replied “Don’t waste your time reading such over analytical crap. I don’t give a damn to all these things anyway.” --  FAIL

>>Next morning, I put toothpaste on his brush, shaving cream on his shaving brush, kept a mug of hot water and the after-shave lotion on the sink cabinet. Then I waited for him while I prepared breakfast. He returned as scruffy as a gorilla. I ran into the bathroom to see that ONLY the toothbrush was used and all the other stuff I had carefully arranged remained untouched. --  FAIL

So, after these series of failures I tried to come up with a few convincing suggestions. I said that the beard is a furry mask which hides the handsome cuts his face has.  He defended by saying that a beard gives him a mature look and that it gives others an image of a thinker. Another time he said “Having a beard and moustache is so manly!” There! That's the reason behind my failures. Do not mistake him to be a misogynist. But, he is proud of what he is or has :)

Now, I had to tackle this problem in a different way knowing the weak point. One evening he was watching a documentary on TV. I approached him from behind and planted a kiss on his cheek and whispered “I do not want anything to come between us, not even your stubble” ;) He then asked for a cup of coffee and when I was back...Voila! I see a man who had sent his stubble to the rubble, by shaving double that day! :D And thus love worked for me :)

I do feel sorry for him that he has to keep shaving and think - Why can’t men go bald on their chin? :P LOL!

Let the "Stress" begin.... :)

Men and women handle stress differently.If you are married you can go ahead and close this window :P But if you aren`t married then carry on reading as these could end up being the words that will leave you a bachelor/spinster for life ;)

Unlike men, women have various kinds of stress which can be classified as :

-- Stress due to withholding a secret
-- Stress due to relationships
-- Stress due to work

Stress due to with-holding a secret
An author once said “Women pick up more dirt from the telephone than from their vacuum cleaner.” This explains why Telecom companies get 95% of their call revenues from lady clients. Holding a secret can be a tough task for a lady, especially if the secret is about another lady.

Me to BH : “If you promise me you will never tell this to anybody, I will tell you something.”

Initially he used to promise and share the secret immediately. Now a days he makes me a little impatient and says : “If I can`t share it with anybody, what is the point? Chuck it, I don`t want to know the secret...”
I would walk around for a while looking impatient and finally give up.. " Fine...Go ahead and share it, but can I start now? " :D

  In-spiteof all this women folks never let out a secret - atleast not the way it is told to them ;) Men on the other hand will always forget the spicy part of the secret and make it bland, and unworthy of gossip. ;)

Stress due to relationships
Among the various issues that women have, this reason for stress is the biggest. They are always worried about their ‘relationships` with other women, men, children, elderly, in-laws...You name it and they are worried about it. Perhaps, it has to do with the “What are you doing…..what will others think?” question that every parent/grandparent has asked the girl as she was growing up.

To add to it the stress caused by the husbands when they leave the 'wet' towel on the bed, forget to shop for the items mentioned and never let go of the tv remote ;) Phew....!

Stress due to work
This is the kind of stress that you can expect & plan for and yet fall for it... Women all over the world get affected by this stress. So much so, there are NGOs out there helping deal with during these tough times. It could range from : Too much work at office to the boss being bossy

Men need support women during this period of stress and hear them out. Since you know that they are complaining, all you have to do is repeat this sentence: “I know, This work thing is too much and your boss is an ***** " :)

For men, stress is only due to two things :

-- Most important stress is when India (or any other country the man belongs to) loses the cricket/football match or when Federer loses :P
-- The next most important is work related stress

Since there is no solution to India or Federer losing their matches, he just picks up the remote and stares at the TV till the world starts seeming fine.
On the work front, his stress is pretty simple...What is on the menu in the canteen today? ;) :P


PS : When BH read this post, he said I forgot to mention "THE" most important stress for Men - WIFE ;)

Leh'd Forever... :)

Julley!!! ( pronounced Ju-leyy)

You might be in midst of exploring some of the countless palaces or monasteries or trekking somewhere in the wilderness or enjoying a solitary walk in the lanes of some village, and suddenly you will find yourself being greeted by the musical sound of this traditional ladakhi welcome greeting by a perfect stranger, followed by an irresistible heart warming smile, which in an instant will have touched and won your heart and you will no longer feel like a stranger in some distant land. 

For 8 days, disconnected from the rest of the world 9 people wandered around the lanes of Srinagar and the valleys of Ladakh.The experience included trekking the valley's of Kashmir, exploring villages of Leh and in the the process discovering hidden gems of beauties, enjoying random encounters and conversations with locals and travelers, feeling stunned by the vast enormity and diversity of this treasure trove of landscapes.
 

 The land of Ladakh is situated in the shadow area of the Himalayan Mountains in the beautiful state of Jammu and Kashmir. Ladakh is fondly known as the cold desert. The main attractions of the Leh Ladakh tour are its snow kissed peaks and panoramic views which act as the captivating factor for myriad tourists each year.Leh which is the capital of Ladakh is located at an altitude of 11,500 feet above the level of the sea. The region is surrounded by the alpine desert and beautiful landscapes.The imposing bewitching beauty of the region certainly offers a feast for the eyes. The presence of the Himalayan Mountains in the backdrop which are snow capped truly makes the sight worth appreciating.The entire region of Leh and Ladakh is all about the breathtaking landscapes, presence of beautiful green oasis and a lot of places which have a scenic significance. The quaint hamlets and monasteries are a common phenomenon in this region. While strolling through the various locations in the region, one can find a perfect blend of flora and fauna.

We rarely spend long enough in any place on our travels. Without the luxury of  being able to take an indefinite trip, our itineraries inevitably involve plenty of compromise and the list of places in a country we’d like to visit has to be ruthlessly cut down to fit the limited time allowed. However much we have enjoyed our visit I know that when we’re planning that next trip, the very fact that we have been to a place before will be held massively against it.So no matter which place, it is the company of these 8 beings that I most eagerly look forward to. Apart from being surrounded by beautiful landscape it was those "inside" jokes, pathetic jokes, crackling one-liner's, the never ending teasing, the photography mania, the singing, the braying and not to miss "The dumb charade's" that made this trip an unforgettable experience! :)
 

Before I sign off, here are all the funny "BRO" (Border Road Organization) road signs that we came across throughout our journey :D :
-Peep Peep...Don't Sleep
-More you speed...More you skid
-Drive like hell...You will be there
-If Married...Divorce Speed
-Be soft on my curves
-Lower your gear...Curve is near
-Drive,don't fly
-Hurry makes worry
-Be Mr.Late that Late Mr.
-This is highway, not runway
-Fast won't last
-Alert today...Alive tomorrow
-All will wait...Better be late

"W a r"-rior ;)

After a lot of effort, it was one fateful day; I won the war-of-words with BH. He is extremely witty and hence funny most of the times. Winning the war-of-words with him is like winning a world level debate competition for me. And all of it happened on the same day! :)

Kissing the trophy and holding it in my hand, let me present you the 3 episodes which led me to the victory!

Episode1 - The Begining:
I was extremely upset with his joyful comment on a sensitive topic and then…

BH: Why do you take things seriously?
Me: I can’t be light hearted all the time.
BH: Oh yea right! Women after marriage become heavy, so does the heart..
Me: He he...Very funny!
BH: LOL.. LOL.. Even you agreed when you laughed. You should have laughed saying ‘She-She’ why did you choose ‘He-He’?
Me: That’s because the joke was bad! (*Monstrous laughter*)

Episode 2 - Almost there :
Rarely does he brag. But, this was one of the rarest of the times..

BH: People like me wherever I go. Everyone in college knew me. I had quite a  fan following also. People came to me; in fact they still come to me with their problems, I could solve their problem just like that.
Me: Okay. Okay. Cool. Sit down. Go back to your memories of third standard science lessons. The earth revolves round the sun, not you! (*Huhahaha*)

Episode 3 - The Final Jab :
Back from office, after a hectic day, both of us had missed out on the day's happenings. We switched on the news channel to know the news. And after few minutes,

BH: This paid media! Never give the exact news, they give their opinions. All of them are biased!
Me: Hmm.. I was just wondering.. Isn’t everyone bi-ass-ed? (*Fist pumps*)

With ROARING applause in the background, I humbly utter :

                                 “Thank you, Thank you!” :D

Arrgghh - uments

Arguments - The unwritten rule in the life of people who live together under the same roof. Arguments can ignite because of one small action/inaction, word/no-words or frustration. Over months of marriage, I observed some solutions which have worked for me in wriggling out of or avoiding arguments. There may be many more, I will learn them eventually :)

RESPOND. DON'T REACT.
There is a big difference. Reaction comes with zero-thinking unlike response. When he says something which cuts through your ego and it brings up equally hurting words is when you have to drown them down your mouth. Take a deep breath. Step back. Listen carefully. If you feel situation is just blowing your head-off. Choose some corner of the house. Refuse to argue, even if the person comes behind you shouting all the way. Switch on mute mode. Take refuge in a place where you can cool yourself. Take your time. Choose your words. Give it back in a nice but firm manner when things are cool. ;)

ACCEPT MANUFACTURING DEFECTS
In the initial days of living together, there will be many frustrating things, which you may not like.  You tend to pick up battles on that. Shout. Argue. Sob. But, you see somethings are inherent. They do not change over time. Wet towel will still find its place over the bed, wrapper of the new toothpaste on the wash-basin etc... :P Consider them to be manufacturing defects of that human being and accept that gracefully. And more importantly remember, you are also accepted with some such defects. Relationships are too valuable to fight over petty matters. Arguing over the same matter again and again is insane. It is like doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results.


AGREE TO DISAGREE
Watching wildlife programmes has been an irritating issue for me. For BH, it is as enjoyable as those few minutes of a nail-biting finish. He tried explaining to me many a times, on how good the show is, why it interests him etc. Finally, he understood, that I just cannot see through his perspective. Then he stopped explaining. Sometimes he gives in and sometimes he watches while I do something else. We just agreed to disagree.

 

POINTS TO REMEMBER
    Arguments may augment tension if not transformed into a discussion.
    Let go of ego.
    Ensure discussions do not become diss-cuss-sessions.

 

WEAKPOINT
Don't use tears as a weapon in the arguments. It will be an unfair game when your partner is in the ring unarmed. ;)

 

Wrote this post as I was thinking about ways of ending an argument I had with BH for not calling me or messaging me when I was at my parents place! And there beeped my cell-phone :

    "I now understand how empty God's house must have been, when he dropped you into your mother's womb. Missing you dear."

THERE! I realized. I missed an important point to end arguments - "LOVE"

D h i s h u m D h i s h u m ;)

** Disclaimer **

All characters mentioned in this post are entirely fictional..The incident mentioned is purely co-incidental;) Please do not try this "stunt" at home:P

A married man left from work early one Friday afternoon. Instead of going home, however, he squandered the weekend (and his salary) partying with the boys.When he finally returned home on Sunday night, he ran into a barrage of abuse from his wife. After a couple of hours of nagging and berating, his wife asked “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for a couple of days?”

“That would suit me just fine!!!” the man said.

Monday went by, and the man didn’t see his wife.
Tuesday went by with the same result. 

Wednesday went by with the same result.

Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a little, just out of the corner of his left eye!

Home Alone

They say : "In any healthy relationship...Sooner or Later, Often or Rarely the soul inside you craves to be a lone wolf" I don't believe in it, But thanks to my BH and his work assignments that I do get to be a lone wolf quite often :(

I celebrated my time alone by doing the following :D

- I played music to its maximum volume ;)
- Watched a SRK movie which BH would NOT(rather NEVER) have allowed me to watch :P
- Go hubby time and come hobby time - I read books :)
- Cleaned every nook and corner. Made our room dust free ;)
- Watched a horror movie! Well...That night I heard weird sounds which made me check every room and every  closet to make sure no-one was lurking around. I slept with a thunderous heartbeat!
 
Just a couple of days and I was bored to death..

- There were no clothes to pick up from the chair/table/bed :P
- There were no wet towels to dry :P
- No fights for the "Remote" :P
- Nobody to peep into what I was reading ;)

I guess all these im-perfections made my life worth living..That's when I realized "Being imperfect is just Perfect" :)
 

It is quite common in a relationship for anyone to give up a part of themselves to make a life together. As I have understood "giving space" and "leaving alone" are two different things. Giving space is "Being alone-together" and leaving alone is the absolute "alone". There maybe people who think differently. So, whenever you need time for yourself : 

COMMUNICATE    UNWIND    NURTURE   :)

PS : Just for you BH >> "Tigers piss on the trees to mark their territory and you mark yours by strewing your clothes all around!" :P ;)

Does Life Change After Marriage?

Hell! YES! (I do not mean it changes to "Hell" :P)
A rhetorical question - Is there any 'time' in your life which has not changed?

Some enter marriage with rose-colored glasses and some with yellow-colored glasses. Such colors prevent us appreciating the natural colors of married life ;) No phase of life is a bed of roses.
I am not here to paint a beautiful picture. As I understand life, I would vouch for my childhood being the best part of life. But...Come to think of it, there were Problems..Fights..Issues which were BIG then. If those problems and fights looks small now, don't you think we are doing the mistake of using the wrong scale of measurement? :)

After marriage, I understood, Men are from Mars (Not Bars :P) Women are from Venus (Not Fungus) :D We are from two different worlds. So, even our thinking has to be worlds apart sometimes :)
Observing these differences, let me quote an incident from our life.

My BH (Better Half/Bitter Half/Butter Half :P ;) ) picks me up from my office, and starts the conversation :

BH: How was work today?
Me: It was Okay! But,I wonder why people up the ladder cannot plan well. Some days, A few of us in the team have a lot of work and others won't have so much work. Productivity of a person will come down if such a scenario continues for long. Doesn’t it? By the way, I had got a call from a person called ‘X’ from ‘Y’ company at 3.30 PM today; He said he has some good policies which ensure high returns at the end of 3 years. I told him we had enough. (I changed the topic without waiting for his reply :P).
I had called Mrs. ABC; I told you that she was not keeping well. It seems now she is recovering. (I had not finished)
BH: I thought the answer to that was just good or bad :P Why do you want to exert yourself so much? You are wasting so much of energy! (Rolling over his eyes)
Me: I just thought, I should be sharing things with you :( I did not know that they weren’t important to you. :( :(
BH: Aaaaarrrrggghhhhhh!! (Scratching his head)

Observation: Men like to keep things short and to the point. They just take what is applicable and chuck the rest and they get going. (Probably they have memory problems or probably they use that memory to remember test match scores/records ;) :D )

If it is yours truly who starts the conversation :

Me: How was work today?
BH: Neither good nor bad.
Me: Why? What happened?
BH: (Alarmed by the next series of possible questions that would bombard) Nothing, It was normal.
Me: Why did you tell that it was not good then?
BH: (Closing his eyes, Gathering patience :P) Had many meetings to attend. Busy day.
Me: So, what is the happening thing at office?
BH: Nothing.
Me: Tell me something, all your answers are short; you don’t want to share anything with me? :( :/
BH: There is nothing worth sharing.
Me: Then you are filtering out things from me. Why do you want to do that?
BH: Shall we talk about something else for heaven’s sake?
Me: :( :(

Observation: Women want to know teeny-weeny particulars about everything. All possible angles of the topic, other people's reactions/opinion over the topic, ensuring that they are down to the last detail..(They have ample storage capacity in their memory :D :P )

We are not the "two-body-one-soul" kind ;) We celebrate the differences between us. We differ yet we prefer each-other! :) Life would have been so boring if we were from same worlds :P

Change is eternal. Such things make life unpredictable, exciting and challenging! :)

Mad - Huve :)

Writing after gaps is something that I can’t avoid :( Given my job profile, sitting in office is a crime. And even when I have the luxury of being in office, getting caught while writing would be a crime worth publishing in my own newspaper :) So here, I find myself thinking as to what is it that I can scribble about - "MARRIAGE" :)

Marriage makes you a patient person.It does. Why I say so? Because you learn to ignore habits,words,awkward moments, obnoxious people etc...This inculcates a deep level of patience, almost to the point of pathetic bliss. I had an arranged marriage and am proud say that it’s not ‘uncool’ :) But not more than often I do get to hear : "Are you serious?? You got yourself a boy who carried a stamped approval from your parents??"

Now, I wonder if that was really the impression I sent out to people. I wasn't the arranged marriage types!?! (Huh!) And why is that as youngsters we do not want to be caught dead promoting the concept of parents/family approving a guy beforehand?! It's not all that bad, and I can say that from my own experience :)

“How do you figure out in one meeting that this girl (or guy) is for me?” wondered a bachelor friend of my husband. Looking at me, and I could almost anticipate his next line of question...“Did you see him (pointing to my husband) and something went abuzz in your mind?”

Uh...well, It was nothing similar to that.. I didn’t have to answer any of the cliched questions like “My favorite hobbies” and “Do I cook” as it didn’t figure on our priority lists. We instead discussed our individual careers and how we wanted to reach at our goals. The bachelor friend was surprised and probably even disappointed that we weren’t fitting the average ‘Arranged Marriage’ couple bill.

“Oh, so you guys didn’t really ask each other too many questions.” He rued.

My single line advice was – “Don’t fret so much before you meet a prospective girl. Just ask what you think you want to know about her work or her life. If you do strike a chord then you won’t have to whack your head to think of questions,conversation will flow between you guys.” We did that, and guess it worked! :)

Although, I don’t have any qualms in admitting the fact that my husband is someone who thinks diametrically opposite (to me) and doesn’t really believe in pampering my whims but he's very practical. Somewhere, I have to admit that this is what I need to keep me grounded in life. But then again, I can do with a little bit of pampering :P ;)

New start on old habits :)

Singapore 2010 : HarbourFront. Phone calls. Gossiping. Cafeteria. Bird watching. Watch craze. Jade. Telok Blangah. Badminton. Two Monitors. True fitness .Decisions. Got homesick. Shopped. Talked. Laughed. Late night shows. Rib-tickling one liners. Bus No 124 n 131. Crescent n Heights. Maggi. Fren engaged. Thailand trip. Massage. Mindalign. Last day at MSO. Vansh. Nothingness. People. Girly fun. Donuts. Night talks. Bridge walks .Laughed some more. Cried. Felt. Hurt. Happiness. Goodbyes.


Bangalore 2010 : Manasu. Parents. Love. Nostalgia. Online Chatting. Dairymilk. Usual hangouts. Chocolate fantasy. Dell Bangalore. Rooftop. Sandwich. Fruitjuice. Froth. Memories. Route 1. Acquaintances. Cried. Fell sick. Friendship. UNO. Teased. Got bullied. Scooty. Got pampered. Dumb charade. Black. Shopping. Laughed. Night out. Traveling. Home food. Bounvita. Emails. Gmail. Frenz weddings. Outings. Corner house. Farewell. Cab fun. New job. Dreamt. Confusion. People. I10. Frenz for life. Changes. Matrimonial sites. Horoscope distribution. Bangalore rains. Found Love. Long phone bills. Investment. Engaged. High on life. Dil vs Dimaag....

Thanks to all you wonder'fool' people for being a part of it and wishing 2011 is as exciting as the year gone by...Happy New Year! :)

Bittersweet

The best part about moving on is that which is yet to come – the busy-ness of it, the sense of purpose, the future that awaits, the anticipation builds. You see a door and you don’t know what lies behind it. A whole another world to explore. A new house with new neighbors and new idiosyncrasies to learn; a new room with new shadows that wait to make friends with your old dreams and forgotten nightmares; new sounds that announce themselves in drips and creaks. A new life with new possibilities.

The worst part about moving on is that which is past – the sadness of it, the sense of loss, the memories that fade into a sepia tint despite promises of forever. You look over your shoulder and you see all that you’re leaving behind. You grieve because you know you’ve said goodbye even though you pretend it’s au revoir. The old house with its worn knowledge, its mysteries exposed; the shadows you know by name; the sounds you’ve investigated a million times; the walls pitted with your deeds. It is home.

Sometimes a song, the music of horns, snatches of conversation, the sound of someone’s laughter, wind rustling through leaves along an endless line of defiant trees, the smell of tobacco warming the morning air, squirrels at play, the squeaky tones of an adventurous toddler’s sneakers, mustachioed men at gates, the milky warm smell of a happy puppy, aged stone warmed by sunlight, the smooth grain of polished wood, bright red blood welling from a cut – and there you are again. In that place with no address; that space you carry within you. Fold by fold it opens to envelope you, until you stand there, just as it used to be.

Nothing has changed. But you don’t live there anymore. Nothing has changed, but these streets don’t look the way they used to. The trees have been cut down. The flowers aren’t the ones you love. It was the people who made it real but where have they gone? Nothing has changed except you.

The monster ate them. The bulldozer got them. The man bought them. They lost the directions. It’s a bittersweet realization, but some places are gone forever :(

PS : Its been a year I moved out of NAL and I miss being there! :'(

Hang on, We're in this together...

I came across this photo on the internet and instantly connected to it. It reminds me of life n people and our journey(s) together. Each one of us traveling together but to different destinations. I'd like to think of life as a wonderful journey where we have wisdom from the past, moments from the present and the thrill to the future.

Journey's are beautiful, You never know what you will come across or whom you will meet. It's always so refreshing to see the goodness in people. Each person can show you a new way to look at life.You get to learn from everyone, you just need to have an eye for it. One thing each stranger can teach you is how all of us are connected on the same level.People are just amazing. There are so many sides to them, and often they are very diverse. Just like a splash of different colors on a canvas. Abstract yet beautiful! Moulding that raw beauty in the wrong way would tarnish its originality!

Circles - Round n Round

I think/believe that each one of us is at the center of a number of concentric circles of increasing radii, and all the people in our life -- and I mean every single person --are situated at one of these circles. The closer the person is to us, the nearer his/her circle which means less distance. The farther you go, the larger the radius, the larger the circumference and thus the larger the number of people who could be accommodated on the circle. This means that there could be only a certain number of people who could possibly be really close to you because there is only that much space, and the list of acquaintances is invariably the longest because it's so far away. Everyone has their own circles and circles for everybody intersect at various points but it's rather complicated to imagine so better use spheres for imagination purposes. Also, it's not necessary that the circle number we occupy on someone else's cluster is the same in the vice-versa scenario. Which explains a lot of pain that happens in this world, when we give someone more value than they give us.

The first few circles around everyone are empty, because they signify the innermost reaches of us that our defense mechanisms don't let anyone get to. This is what we call our private space that we value a lot. The number of these empty circles varies from person to person. If you feel lonely in life, it means there are more circles empty than you'd like or you need, and that is when you feel the need of someone to come a little closer and fill in the 'emptiness in your life'. Again, most of us have a limit, and if someone comes closer than that, we start getting uncomfortable and try and push her away a little radially outward.

Centrifugal forces are inversely proportional to distance, and hence the closer the person, the shorter the radius, and the harder it hurts. Similarly, the more this distance, the less it really matters.

Settled With Unsettled Thoughts...

The warm cocoon I had made for myself now just feels marauder-ed and rummaged upon. The mirages I built for myself, the way I'd become so comfortable being away from home for these years and now getting back to what it was all these years feels a misfit. It's just tough doing away with habits...I live in the moment, I am my best when I am around but once gone I am gone and there is just no other way to put it. Things go haywire when the norm is disturbed.. I understand things my own way, somewhere down I can never explain things to people as to how I solved the particular and god I take a lot of time understanding stuff..

Things seem to be welling up inside me, drowning me, as if fighting to be let out..But only a knot grows inside..The moments seem to blur, the wish to make time stop gnaws night and day screwing the time I have left with me..Accepting the ominous end is too cumbersome a task. Why does it so happen that even though you knew it all along, you were preparing for it all through the time, reminding yourself time and again?? I find myself in this morass..This panic that grips me too often only messes things up. The vicious circle has tangents to it which makes up for the different scenarios but it all boils down to the same... I just want to fly away, forget about everything, feel nothing for once, I want a certain vacancy to fill in. Why is this derangement so unsettling, this dissonance so lulling, why can I not hold it all up, why the need to forage for catharsis? Why is it such a big deal to want a certain constancy in life? Life will go on, no matter what the changes are, how they affect you, the good, the bad the ugly all are an intrinsic part of this rigmarole called life, I'll learn along the way... there was life before... but all I know is it won't be the same after... But acceptance I'll learn...