The warm cocoon I had made for myself now just feels marauder-ed and rummaged upon. The mirages I built for myself, the way I'd become so comfortable being away from home for these years and now getting back to what it was all these years feels a misfit. It's just tough doing away with habits...I live in the moment, I am my best when I am around but once gone I am gone and there is just no other way to put it. Things go haywire when the norm is disturbed.. I understand things my own way, somewhere down I can never explain things to people as to how I solved the particular and god I take a lot of time understanding stuff..
Things seem to be welling up inside me, drowning me, as if fighting to be let out..But only a knot grows inside..The moments seem to blur, the wish to make time stop gnaws night and day screwing the time I have left with me..Accepting the ominous end is too cumbersome a task. Why does it so happen that even though you knew it all along, you were preparing for it all through the time, reminding yourself time and again?? I find myself in this morass..This panic that grips me too often only messes things up. The vicious circle has tangents to it which makes up for the different scenarios but it all boils down to the same... I just want to fly away, forget about everything, feel nothing for once, I want a certain vacancy to fill in. Why is this derangement so unsettling, this dissonance so lulling, why can I not hold it all up, why the need to forage for catharsis? Why is it such a big deal to want a certain constancy in life? Life will go on, no matter what the changes are, how they affect you, the good, the bad the ugly all are an intrinsic part of this rigmarole called life, I'll learn along the way... there was life before... but all I know is it won't be the same after... But acceptance I'll learn...
