Arguments - The unwritten rule in the life of people who live together under the same roof. Arguments can ignite because of one small action/inaction, word/no-words or frustration. Over months of marriage, I observed some solutions which have worked for me in wriggling out of or avoiding arguments. There may be many more, I will learn them eventually :)
RESPOND. DON'T REACT.
There is a big difference. Reaction comes with zero-thinking unlike response. When he says something which cuts through your ego and it brings up equally hurting words is when you have to drown them down your mouth. Take a deep breath. Step back. Listen carefully. If you feel situation is just blowing your head-off. Choose some corner of the house. Refuse to argue, even if the person comes behind you shouting all the way. Switch on mute mode. Take refuge in a place where you can cool yourself. Take your time. Choose your words. Give it back in a nice but firm manner when things are cool. ;)
ACCEPT MANUFACTURING DEFECTS
In the initial days of living together, there will be many frustrating things, which you may not like. You tend to pick up battles on that. Shout. Argue. Sob. But, you see somethings are inherent. They do not change over time. Wet towel will still find its place over the bed, wrapper of the new toothpaste on the wash-basin etc... :P Consider them to be manufacturing defects of that human being and accept that gracefully. And more importantly remember, you are also accepted with some such defects. Relationships are too valuable to fight over petty matters. Arguing over the same matter again and again is insane. It is like doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results.
AGREE TO DISAGREE
Watching wildlife programmes has been an irritating issue for me. For BH, it is as enjoyable as those few minutes of a nail-biting finish. He tried explaining to me many a times, on how good the show is, why it interests him etc. Finally, he understood, that I just cannot see through his perspective. Then he stopped explaining. Sometimes he gives in and sometimes he watches while I do something else. We just agreed to disagree.
RESPOND. DON'T REACT.
There is a big difference. Reaction comes with zero-thinking unlike response. When he says something which cuts through your ego and it brings up equally hurting words is when you have to drown them down your mouth. Take a deep breath. Step back. Listen carefully. If you feel situation is just blowing your head-off. Choose some corner of the house. Refuse to argue, even if the person comes behind you shouting all the way. Switch on mute mode. Take refuge in a place where you can cool yourself. Take your time. Choose your words. Give it back in a nice but firm manner when things are cool. ;)
ACCEPT MANUFACTURING DEFECTS
In the initial days of living together, there will be many frustrating things, which you may not like. You tend to pick up battles on that. Shout. Argue. Sob. But, you see somethings are inherent. They do not change over time. Wet towel will still find its place over the bed, wrapper of the new toothpaste on the wash-basin etc... :P Consider them to be manufacturing defects of that human being and accept that gracefully. And more importantly remember, you are also accepted with some such defects. Relationships are too valuable to fight over petty matters. Arguing over the same matter again and again is insane. It is like doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results.
AGREE TO DISAGREE
Watching wildlife programmes has been an irritating issue for me. For BH, it is as enjoyable as those few minutes of a nail-biting finish. He tried explaining to me many a times, on how good the show is, why it interests him etc. Finally, he understood, that I just cannot see through his perspective. Then he stopped explaining. Sometimes he gives in and sometimes he watches while I do something else. We just agreed to disagree.
POINTS TO REMEMBER
Arguments may augment tension if not transformed into a discussion.
Let go of ego.
Ensure discussions do not become diss-cuss-sessions.
Arguments may augment tension if not transformed into a discussion.
Let go of ego.
Ensure discussions do not become diss-cuss-sessions.
WEAKPOINT
Don't use tears as a weapon in the arguments. It will be an unfair game when your partner is in the ring unarmed. ;)
Don't use tears as a weapon in the arguments. It will be an unfair game when your partner is in the ring unarmed. ;)
Wrote this post as I was thinking about ways of ending an argument I had with BH for not calling me or messaging me when I was at my parents place! And there beeped my cell-phone :
"I now understand how empty God's house must have been, when he dropped you into your mother's womb. Missing you dear."
THERE! I realized. I missed an important point to end arguments - "LOVE"
"I now understand how empty God's house must have been, when he dropped you into your mother's womb. Missing you dear."
THERE! I realized. I missed an important point to end arguments - "LOVE"
