Arrgghh - uments

Arguments - The unwritten rule in the life of people who live together under the same roof. Arguments can ignite because of one small action/inaction, word/no-words or frustration. Over months of marriage, I observed some solutions which have worked for me in wriggling out of or avoiding arguments. There may be many more, I will learn them eventually :)

RESPOND. DON'T REACT.
There is a big difference. Reaction comes with zero-thinking unlike response. When he says something which cuts through your ego and it brings up equally hurting words is when you have to drown them down your mouth. Take a deep breath. Step back. Listen carefully. If you feel situation is just blowing your head-off. Choose some corner of the house. Refuse to argue, even if the person comes behind you shouting all the way. Switch on mute mode. Take refuge in a place where you can cool yourself. Take your time. Choose your words. Give it back in a nice but firm manner when things are cool. ;)

ACCEPT MANUFACTURING DEFECTS
In the initial days of living together, there will be many frustrating things, which you may not like.  You tend to pick up battles on that. Shout. Argue. Sob. But, you see somethings are inherent. They do not change over time. Wet towel will still find its place over the bed, wrapper of the new toothpaste on the wash-basin etc... :P Consider them to be manufacturing defects of that human being and accept that gracefully. And more importantly remember, you are also accepted with some such defects. Relationships are too valuable to fight over petty matters. Arguing over the same matter again and again is insane. It is like doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results.


AGREE TO DISAGREE
Watching wildlife programmes has been an irritating issue for me. For BH, it is as enjoyable as those few minutes of a nail-biting finish. He tried explaining to me many a times, on how good the show is, why it interests him etc. Finally, he understood, that I just cannot see through his perspective. Then he stopped explaining. Sometimes he gives in and sometimes he watches while I do something else. We just agreed to disagree.

 

POINTS TO REMEMBER
    Arguments may augment tension if not transformed into a discussion.
    Let go of ego.
    Ensure discussions do not become diss-cuss-sessions.

 

WEAKPOINT
Don't use tears as a weapon in the arguments. It will be an unfair game when your partner is in the ring unarmed. ;)

 

Wrote this post as I was thinking about ways of ending an argument I had with BH for not calling me or messaging me when I was at my parents place! And there beeped my cell-phone :

    "I now understand how empty God's house must have been, when he dropped you into your mother's womb. Missing you dear."

THERE! I realized. I missed an important point to end arguments - "LOVE"

D h i s h u m D h i s h u m ;)

** Disclaimer **

All characters mentioned in this post are entirely fictional..The incident mentioned is purely co-incidental;) Please do not try this "stunt" at home:P

A married man left from work early one Friday afternoon. Instead of going home, however, he squandered the weekend (and his salary) partying with the boys.When he finally returned home on Sunday night, he ran into a barrage of abuse from his wife. After a couple of hours of nagging and berating, his wife asked “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for a couple of days?”

“That would suit me just fine!!!” the man said.

Monday went by, and the man didn’t see his wife.
Tuesday went by with the same result. 

Wednesday went by with the same result.

Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a little, just out of the corner of his left eye!

Home Alone

They say : "In any healthy relationship...Sooner or Later, Often or Rarely the soul inside you craves to be a lone wolf" I don't believe in it, But thanks to my BH and his work assignments that I do get to be a lone wolf quite often :(

I celebrated my time alone by doing the following :D

- I played music to its maximum volume ;)
- Watched a SRK movie which BH would NOT(rather NEVER) have allowed me to watch :P
- Go hubby time and come hobby time - I read books :)
- Cleaned every nook and corner. Made our room dust free ;)
- Watched a horror movie! Well...That night I heard weird sounds which made me check every room and every  closet to make sure no-one was lurking around. I slept with a thunderous heartbeat!
 
Just a couple of days and I was bored to death..

- There were no clothes to pick up from the chair/table/bed :P
- There were no wet towels to dry :P
- No fights for the "Remote" :P
- Nobody to peep into what I was reading ;)

I guess all these im-perfections made my life worth living..That's when I realized "Being imperfect is just Perfect" :)
 

It is quite common in a relationship for anyone to give up a part of themselves to make a life together. As I have understood "giving space" and "leaving alone" are two different things. Giving space is "Being alone-together" and leaving alone is the absolute "alone". There maybe people who think differently. So, whenever you need time for yourself : 

COMMUNICATE    UNWIND    NURTURE   :)

PS : Just for you BH >> "Tigers piss on the trees to mark their territory and you mark yours by strewing your clothes all around!" :P ;)

Does Life Change After Marriage?

Hell! YES! (I do not mean it changes to "Hell" :P)
A rhetorical question - Is there any 'time' in your life which has not changed?

Some enter marriage with rose-colored glasses and some with yellow-colored glasses. Such colors prevent us appreciating the natural colors of married life ;) No phase of life is a bed of roses.
I am not here to paint a beautiful picture. As I understand life, I would vouch for my childhood being the best part of life. But...Come to think of it, there were Problems..Fights..Issues which were BIG then. If those problems and fights looks small now, don't you think we are doing the mistake of using the wrong scale of measurement? :)

After marriage, I understood, Men are from Mars (Not Bars :P) Women are from Venus (Not Fungus) :D We are from two different worlds. So, even our thinking has to be worlds apart sometimes :)
Observing these differences, let me quote an incident from our life.

My BH (Better Half/Bitter Half/Butter Half :P ;) ) picks me up from my office, and starts the conversation :

BH: How was work today?
Me: It was Okay! But,I wonder why people up the ladder cannot plan well. Some days, A few of us in the team have a lot of work and others won't have so much work. Productivity of a person will come down if such a scenario continues for long. Doesn’t it? By the way, I had got a call from a person called ‘X’ from ‘Y’ company at 3.30 PM today; He said he has some good policies which ensure high returns at the end of 3 years. I told him we had enough. (I changed the topic without waiting for his reply :P).
I had called Mrs. ABC; I told you that she was not keeping well. It seems now she is recovering. (I had not finished)
BH: I thought the answer to that was just good or bad :P Why do you want to exert yourself so much? You are wasting so much of energy! (Rolling over his eyes)
Me: I just thought, I should be sharing things with you :( I did not know that they weren’t important to you. :( :(
BH: Aaaaarrrrggghhhhhh!! (Scratching his head)

Observation: Men like to keep things short and to the point. They just take what is applicable and chuck the rest and they get going. (Probably they have memory problems or probably they use that memory to remember test match scores/records ;) :D )

If it is yours truly who starts the conversation :

Me: How was work today?
BH: Neither good nor bad.
Me: Why? What happened?
BH: (Alarmed by the next series of possible questions that would bombard) Nothing, It was normal.
Me: Why did you tell that it was not good then?
BH: (Closing his eyes, Gathering patience :P) Had many meetings to attend. Busy day.
Me: So, what is the happening thing at office?
BH: Nothing.
Me: Tell me something, all your answers are short; you don’t want to share anything with me? :( :/
BH: There is nothing worth sharing.
Me: Then you are filtering out things from me. Why do you want to do that?
BH: Shall we talk about something else for heaven’s sake?
Me: :( :(

Observation: Women want to know teeny-weeny particulars about everything. All possible angles of the topic, other people's reactions/opinion over the topic, ensuring that they are down to the last detail..(They have ample storage capacity in their memory :D :P )

We are not the "two-body-one-soul" kind ;) We celebrate the differences between us. We differ yet we prefer each-other! :) Life would have been so boring if we were from same worlds :P

Change is eternal. Such things make life unpredictable, exciting and challenging! :)